Hot Fizz

You know the pleasant sensation of channel-hopping and suddenly recognising an early scene from a film you love and welcome the unexpected chance to watch again? Imagine our joy at stumbling across Hot Fuzz on an asian channel last night.

Now imagine our joy multiplied when we realised that Hot Fuzz was being made even more hysterically funny by being played in English, but with the addition of subtitles, which were also in English, that is, English as drafted by someone totally unfamiliar with this language of which we are so rightly proud. I don't quibble with odd grammar, or blatant errors, such as I can come back! subtitled as I can't come back!.

No, I'm talking about the large chunks which had apparently been copied down phonetically and then run through Microsoft spell checker, so that "I'll see he gets his just desserts" was subtitled " I gets say just the service"

I therefore issue a challenge to Simon Pegg fans with too much time on their hands. (I mention no names, you know who you are) Prizes will be awarded to those who can work out what the original sparkling dialogue was behind the following spectacular mis translations:

1. He did have a great big pussy beer

2. They're late again and I'll have sex

3. I have to work to pay Sally

4. It's quicksand of the San Francisco

5. And the neighbour of the Law!

6. Call Nasa

7. Mercy!

8. Don't you had to know

9. You've been play was truly

10. Two broke and f*!k off all cop!

First prize or tie breaker will be a copy of the film referred to by Edgar Wright's character as "Dumb on Dude," according to the subtitles. Please note that the first one's easy, and they are all posted in the order they appear in the film.

Have fun....